A friend of mine recently described living here a bit like being in the Truman Show, there is no difference between the sky and the ground, it all blends together like a big beige wall, the 50 shades of beige. I was going to write a blog post about being back after the holidays, when I scrolled back and read this post from August last year, called just that:
50 shades of beige
So we are back. In the land of sand.
We landed late Friday night after an uneventful trip. A nice and short seven hour day flight, easy peasy. I watched a couple of movies and enjoyed some tasty food, kids were entertained with their iPads and movies as well. Time went by no problem.
Immigration upon arrival is a doddle thanks to the e-gate and all our luggage was there when we came down to the belts. [...]
Kids are happy to be home in our own house and with our own things. They've caught up with all their little friends in the compound and are ready for school to start [...].
Me? I feel... blergh.
Our garden has completely died (we suspect an irrigation failure) and it's all an ugly, brown, dull mess outside my window; both in our own garden but also on the other side of the wall and all over this neighbourhood. New constructions and road works going on everywhere. It's all dusty and beige.
I've realized I need living things around me, nature, trees, lawns, fields - I need GREEN.
I can't live life cooped up inside my house, no matter how much I like my home.
I also feel lonely.
Kids have school, friends and activities. Nathan has work, [...] and friends. Me, I would've thought my life would roll on nicely too by now, as we've done a full year, and some. But actually, I feel like I'm back to square one and am starting from the very beginning again.
A huge chunk of the people I used to hang out with left for good this summer [...]; and I'm working hard on finding somewhere to teach Zumba, but it's not easy logistically with the family and no help.
I have all the intentions of making things happen for myself, but truthfully right now it all feels a bit heavy, like a huge uphill, and I'm not sure where to start. One day at a time I guess.
Anyway. We are back. Bring on the next beige year.
As I read through it I feel ashamed to say that nothing has changed - those feelings I had then are still exactly the same. I feel like I've gone back to some sort of prison, not being able to be outside for a few months yet, being mostly home alone, and having not much to do. That blog post from last year could describe my situation today too, which when you think about it, is rather awful.
I know, I know, I am the only one that controls my life and sitting here and moaning about it wont help, it is time for action. I just don't know how yet.