Day 53, Friday 1 May
So. It's now spring. It's now May, how did that happen? Feels like last time I was slightly 'alive' it was the beginning of March. Can't we just Ctrl+Alt+Del this whole 2020 and start over?!
I'm still not sleeping through the nights properly and wake up all groggy in the mornings. It's starting to get to me, but at least with Nathan in a hotel I can starfish across the whole bed.
Today has been a really sucky day. One of those days when I've just felt like going back to bed and wake up maybe in July, or October? I've mostly spent today on
the sofa binge watching TV (quite unusual actually) while binge eating
chocolate (also quite unusual).
I did do my exercise this morning, although I was rather unmotivated. Got Linnea going in tidying up her wardrobes and continued a bit myself with the wardrobes in the guest room, but lost interest. Heated up leftovers for everyone for dinner and am now (it's 8pm) seriously considering just giving up on today and going to bed, in hopes of a better day tomorrow. Isolation in all its glory.
Day 54, Saturday 2 May
I've realised I don't like weekends. Actually I never really have. Weekends means pressure to DO something, which we normally don't really do, and now can't do anyway. So weekends suck, especially now - when not even the delivery companies work on the weekends.
"Most young kids will remember how their family home felt during the corona virus panic more than anything specific about the virus".
This is a quote from a psychologist on Instagram that a friend of mine pointed me too a while ago. So my kids are not that young anymore, but I still think this is everything. Together with my current mantra "One day at a time", I have tried to also use this quote to keep me going through all of this. I have cooked nice meals, baked lovely treats, roped everybody into family activities (not just the weekly cleaning) and really made an effort in creating and holding on to new routines and keeping the spirits up.
But to be completely honest, I'm seriously running out of positive pep, of mojo and motivation. I feel like I have failed completely as a mother when I tell the child who is hungry to grab something in the fridge and the child answers "But there is nothing to eat in the fridge, just things to make food". Failed. Completely.
This also gives me NO hope that someone will surprise me with something nice for a change (other than order take-away to give me a break from cooking) as the kids have no clue how and I have another three weeks of isolation single-parenting in front of me. Yay.
On a positive note, the Yas Mall reopened today, and even though Linnea was very eager we will probably go one afternoon after school this week instead of on the first day of reopening. We will have to wear masks and gloves, and follow all the other rules and regulations implemented - but hey, baby steps.
Hi! I'm a long-time silent reader/visitor of your blog (since the Brunei days), but wanted to drop you a quick note to say that I have always loved reading your entries, and for what it's worth - I think you've been a wonderful mother to your children! Teenagers' life skills are always going to be variable, although hopefully they learn a bit more on the food preparation front this year ;) Lockdown is presenting lots of challenges for many of us, but don't beat yourself up about it too much. Sending you lots of love.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm a long-time silent reader of your blog since the Brunei days, but wanted to quickly comment to say that 1) I've always loved reading your entries - you're great at conveying the sense of the places you live in and 2) for what it's worth, I think you've been a wonderful mother! Teenager life skills are always variable but hopefully they pick up some food preparation skills this year ;) Lockdown is presenting additional challenges for many of us - so don't beat yourself up about it too much! Sending lots of love.
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