The eternal struggle

I am so off-a-roll with my well-being it's not even funny. So off, it's taken me weeks to even write this post about it...

I lost my exercise mojo somewhere around Christmas last year, and I never found it again. I was in such a good routine after the Covid lockdown, I had lost weight yes (two years ago I weighed about 12 kgs less than today...) but above all - I was moving my body every day. It was like brushing my teeth, I just did it, it was one of my daily habits.

Now, every day looks a bit like this:

I get dressed for sports, I do everything else in the house, and some; or even sometimes go back to bed. If I make it into the guest room (which have now reverted to a guest room again, with exercise equipment in it), I often end up lying on the bed next to my treadmill, scrolling "just a little bit more" on the phone, just thinking about getting on it... aaarrrghhh...

And I hate it! I hate this eternal struggle, cause that's what it feels like - endless! I struggle with my lazy brain who always wants to take the easy way out, and just go and have another cup of coffee instead, I struggle with the disappointment in myself, for being such a quitter - and of course, I struggle with the way I look and feel, and that my clothes don't fit.

I guess some of it is the hormones of my age, realized the other day something was going on when I started crying at a time-lapse of a flowering sun flower on Instagram (well was really beautiful!), but most of it is in my head.
Once I get going, I love the feeling of moving my body - but the hard part right now is actually just starting.
The struggle is real.