Scarred

A little over a week to go before we are supposed to travel.
For real.
On an airplane.
To another country!
Quite a big deal, considering we haven't even left the capital since we got back from Sweden last August. I don't think I have EVER stayed this long in the same place.

Last year I hesitated for a very long time before finally deciding to go to Sweden. I tried to wait out any change in the travel regulations and didn't end up leaving until halfway through July. Still, at the time of our departure, we actually didn't really know if we would be allowed to come back or not.

We were super careful while in Sweden. We only stayed at my parents house, and didn't go see anyone else at all. Only did outdoor activities, stayed away from big crowds and kept shopping to a minimum.
It sure was well needed to get a change of scenery, and lovely as always to enjoy the Swedish summer. Plus it felt good to give my parents a break from their loneliness as they too had isolated themselves since the beginning of the pandemic.
Still, as you might remember, things didn't really go our way. There was SO much stress throughout our stay with scheduling and rescheduling our pre-travel PCR-tests several times according to how the rules changed. There was issues with my ICA approval due to a mistake done at immigration after one of Nathan's flights; and the return travel plans got turned upside down ending with Lucas traveling home on its own, and Linnea and I following a few days later.
It all worked out in the end, but I came back home feeling broken and frail, and, I hate to say it, but those experiences scarred me. I have developed massive anxiety.

Sadly, to travel isn't much easier now, a whole year later. There are still a bunch or regulations to follow if you plan to travel, and they still change with a moments notice. You have to keep track of which different papers, health declarations, vaccine print-outs and tests that are demanded of you, all depending on where you are going. Just traveling between my two home countries is proving complicated, and it is stressing me out. I get thrown back to how I felt last summer, and I feel sick to my stomach thinking of all the worst-case scenarios.

I am trying my very best to accept that because of Covid, uncertainty is going to be a part of life for a very long time. But for someone who likes to plan ahead, be prepared, keep her feet on the ground and (honestly) is quite the control freak, it is really hard to try and be comfortable in the discomfort of not knowing what is going to be. To be 'chill' and 'just go with the flow' is not something that comes naturally for me. But I try, I do.

I do look forward to getting out of here for a bit, and considering all four of us are vaccinated, we are planning a bit more interaction with our people back in Scandinavia this summer. We all need that pick-me-up!
Here's to a stumble-free trip!